something funny

Well, I find this funny…

We’ve been office mates for about 3 years I used to hang out near his station before because he was sitting next to a friend of mine…been saying hi and hello to each other whenever we would cross each others path , we would even talk but we never introduce ourselves to each other…until today.

While on my way home I saw him… pretended I didn’t see him so I wont have to say hi first — but he saw me & held my arm — sorta telling me to walk with him or them because he’s walking with a “familiar girl” . So  ok…

Me: Oh, hello

Him: Hi

Me: smile

a moment of silent

Me: I’m sorry what’s your name? Cause we would usually greet each other but I don’t know who you are…

Him: I’m ______

Me: and you? (looking at the other girl)

Girl: _______

Him: That’s what I’m telling her ( referring to the other girl ), I asked her if she knows your name but she’s not sure, I told her the same thing we would greet each other without really knowing our names.

Me: (laughs) yeah and we even talked at the Diner earlier…

It was drizzling, he didn’t have umbrella but he’s wearing a cap so I asked him if he wants to share my umbrella, he said no because he doesn’t normally take a bath (of course he’s joking)  –  me and the other girl laughed.  We were walking on a narrow path so he let me walk before him, in return of the favor I offered my umbrella again, he didn’t refuse anymore but he took my umbrella so I wont have a hard time holding it because he’s taller than me.

I’m like

He he he… I’ve been upset for a while, because I was having a hard time dealing with my emotions and it feels good that a former “semi – stranger”  (is there such a word) made me smile.

He’s always smiling at me…

Just saying…

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Last Week: Training is over

One week of process training is finally over, went pretty good so far at least for me , like what I told my friends I wont ask questions unless I’m really working on it…so as soon as Rica is teaching me about some technical stuff I got myself confused and asked a few questions about it. There’s not much of a difference between the 2 processes but I think its  a little bit complicated, but I still have 2 weeks to really absorb everything that I learned from the process training and…there’s soooo much more to come.

On our last day though I was a bit upset, well been upset since Thursday but I decided not to dwell too much on it because it’s just a petty thing to discuss and I might have misunderstood the other person’s tactics or whatever.

A lot of things that happened last Friday got me upset , no I was mad. It’s a good thing I know how to control my emotions and decided not to really talk about it until I’m a little calm. Another good thing is that I’m with my friends that time since we agreed to visit Lola Mommy. We were laughing all the time making fun of the people who’s not there.Oh boy, that was fun, made me miss them more!

And at least I had the chance to spend time with my new breed of “shock absorbers“, Zandy and Mimi , teehihi. I needed that moment, spill the beans, rant…vent out, whichever you wanna call it.

I know that I brought this humiliation to myself, but like what I told the girls I have no regrets because I knew then it was exactly what I needed , and it’s quite obvious that for a moment there I was happier.

I was trying to mend a broken heart at the time when Mr.Weasley started bugging me confessing his interest on me. I told him about it and he said to me in reply that I’ll be able to move on immediately if I have someone else.

So ok, so I have spent the last 2 weeks with him and turned out to be just fine.

But then like what I said on my previous entry, my actions are limited and that’s not me. I’m a very touchy person, I like to embrace the people that’s dear to me, hold their hands/arm, beso and all that stuff. And I can’t do that to him. Because his reputation is not that good and a lot of people actually told me to stay away from him. Several people told me a lot of stories about him and he was man enough to be honest and actually admitted those stuffs.

But the trouble in me being “blindly optimistic” just thought of giving him a chance to prove that he’s not really as bad ass as what the other people thought of him…there is something good about him and he was able to prove that to me.

He knows how to sweep me off my feet and without telling him he was able to figure out my weaknesses when it comes to guys.  So I was just going with the flow,enjoying our moment(s) together…but I never said I love him,I  do like him as a person…I guess I was falling for him…

I grew up without really having a man in my life , since my father wasn’t around. So whenever I get special attention from a guy I tend to grab it and hold on to it for as long as I can.

But I have spent about 3 years holding on to my love for Pong unfortunately it didn’t end that way I wanted it to be. This “involvement” with him is pretty much the same as Mr.Weasley, one of the differences is I get to spend a lot of time with the 2nd one — but I don’t think I can do it again , I don’t think I’m willing to do same thing and be hurt again for the same effin reason.

I have confessed almost everything in that room with the people he knew well and I was expecting he’ll do the same thing, but he never did and now it seems like I’m the one begging for his attention.

That moment (in Las Vegas) I’ve heard enough…rather, I didn’t hear enough to really make me wanna stay in this kind of relationship.

I need someone who will stood up for his feelings (for me) no matter how complicated the situation is, even if half of the million people in this world disagree on it he would still be brave enough to admit his feelings, because I’ve done that a few times and still willing to do it,I just hope that next time, it’ll be for Mr.Right.

I tried to talk to him about it but with his state of mind last Friday I just thought that he wouldn’t understand.

On the brighter side of things: I have other options and he saw who’s my other option is.

My question(s) now is/are, how do I end this? Do I still need to give him a chance to explain? (’cause I never gave Mike L. (my ex) to explain WTH is going on before actually splitting up with him) . Is this just a little misunderstanding/miscommunication? Do I have to tell him everything that made me upset or do I just have to tell him it’s over?

WTH I’m not even sure if I really want to end this now, I just thought that this is better than nothing, it’s better that I have him instead of having no one to take care of me…

This is so pathetic… no matter how you look at it, its wrong!

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Turning Tables and then some…

Lately I’ve been watching and catching up with Glee, well not only that I noticed that I have also been addicted to watching a lot in ETC. Like Tyra Bank’s show America’s next top model, I’ve been getting a lot of ideas from that show that might serve a GREAT purpose for my life in the near future ( so I always have my fingers crossed ) , also the Glee Project.  I like Damian,and I guess its true there’s something about the “british accent” that makes them really sexy…haha, oh but Damian is a young guy, but he’s really cute especially when he’s nervous and still smiling. I like the Keeping up with Kardashians too, this is really funny.

Then again here’s another song of my favorite “ADELE” , Turning Tables performed by Gwyneth Paltrow in Glee.

Adele’s voice is really amazing , I just love it!Believe it or not , her song Rolling in the Deep is my wake up song 🙂

I adore Paltrow’s voice too…and so far this is one of the performances in Glee that actually moved me. I can’t say that I can really relate to the message of the song…but this is my favorite line:

So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me,
I cant give you what you think you gave me

Hmm, I guess this is what you get if your heart and your mind doesn’t get along pretty well. When your heart is telling you to go and take a risk , just enjoy it but your mind is telling you that this is silly and that you should stop before things gets more complicated than what is right now.

They say that when you’re inlove , you would do a lot of crazy stuff unconsciously most of the time. But I say , when your heart is broken you will do a lot of crazier stuff.

The situation is really familiar.

I’ve been thru this and I never thought that I’ll be in this state again, so ironic.

I guess History does repeat itself : my life turned 360 degrees.

Its good to have someone who will take care of you, who’s worried when you’re not feeling well…who’s a little jealous when you’re talking to some other guys especially if he knows that the guy you’re talking to is your crush or used to be your crush.

It feels great knowing that there’s someone excited to see you everyday.

Exactly what I need.

But I was born with an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it back.

All I want is to prove it but I can’t. My actions are limited.And I have to be silent most of the time.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

And how can I make this stop? Because sooner or later this has to end.

Oh well.

Video and Lyrics: as always thanks to youtube and letssingit.com

Close enough to start a war,
All that I have is on the floor,
God only knows what we’re fighting for,
All that I say, you always say more,

I can’t keep up with your turning tables,
Under your thumb, I can’t breathe,

So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me,
I cant give you what you think you gave me,
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables,
To turning tables,

Under hardest guise I see, ooh,
Where love is lost, your ghost is found,
I braved a hundred storms to leave you,
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down,

I can’t keep up with your turning tables,
Under your thumb, I can’t breathe,

So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me,
I cant give you what you think you gave me,
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables,
Turning tables,

Next time I’ll be braver,
I’ll be my own savior,
When the thunder calls for me,
Next time I’ll be braver,
I’ll be my own savior,
Standing on my own two feet,

I won’t let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me,
I can’t give you what you think you gave me,
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables,
To turning tables,
Turning tables, yeah,
Turning, oh.
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