I am going to smile because I deserve to.
I thought I was numb, I was pretending that I don’t feel any pain or that I am not hurting…
Because someone once told me that one way to get over and move is pretend that you’re not hurting…keep pretending until you’re used to it, sooner or later you’ll just realized that you have already moved on.
Fake it until you get it right.
Today it just dawned on me that I can still feel pain. What the hell was I thinking?
But pretty much I will do same thing, pretend that it’s ok sooner or later I will be ok.
This is what I got after hanging out with Rica and the boys. Got 1 girlfriend who can relate to my feelings as a lady and 4 boys to make me realize a man’s world.
Rica…we will never run out of stories to tell , especially if it’s about boys… I can easily relate to her frustrations (sometimes) but its true, love can be such a tragic thing…pretty ironic too.
And these guys I think they’re MAN enough to admit that they’re “gago” , hahaha. They made me understand why a man would do such thing(s).
Like in the case of the guy with a jinxed name – I just realized now how “a” he is, but I don’t hate him and I have no regrets to whatever happened because I know that for a moment there he made me happy and I’d rather keep the “good old times” and just forget about the silly ones because it wont do me any good to dwell on such stuff.
The case of Pong pt 2 – ok I don’t know if I like him but I’m having a good laugh when we are talking, honestly I don’t feel any spark or anything like that…like some sort of connection. But the boys are making fun of the situation and honestly I can’t help but smile and laugh about it. I don’t want people making a big fuss about what he’s been doing because I’m trying not to pay too much attention to it, but I can’t make these people to stop. So fine, just laugh it all out.Besides he seems to be a funny guy.I don’t think getting to know someone a little more wont hurt that much…doesn’t it seem like most guys have “something bad or weird” about them that some other guys tend to talk about it – boy I don’t even know if that makes sense.
I know they want me to be happy.
Honestly I’m tired… I feel like my brain is working 24/7 thinking too much, but I am counting my blessings. And always thankful for everything, no matter how awful the situation is, it’s there to make a better person. I know there are times that I feel like giving up but my friends are always here to grab my hand and pull me up again.
I will miss hanging out with them. Maybe this will just be for a few weeks… I don’t know , I feel bad that I’m not gonna be with them but they fought for me so I’m cool with it.
I’ll be alone for 4.5 days or maybe not. I know someone will be there to keep me “sane”.
That’s the brighter side.
So here I am smiling.