Last Week: Training is over

One week of process training is finally over, went pretty good so far at least for me , like what I told my friends I wont ask questions unless I’m really working on it…so as soon as Rica is teaching me about some technical stuff I got myself confused and asked a few questions about it. There’s not much of a difference between the 2 processes but I think its  a little bit complicated, but I still have 2 weeks to really absorb everything that I learned from the process training and…there’s soooo much more to come.

On our last day though I was a bit upset, well been upset since Thursday but I decided not to dwell too much on it because it’s just a petty thing to discuss and I might have misunderstood the other person’s tactics or whatever.

A lot of things that happened last Friday got me upset , no I was mad. It’s a good thing I know how to control my emotions and decided not to really talk about it until I’m a little calm. Another good thing is that I’m with my friends that time since we agreed to visit Lola Mommy. We were laughing all the time making fun of the people who’s not there.Oh boy, that was fun, made me miss them more!

And at least I had the chance to spend time with my new breed of “shock absorbers“, Zandy and Mimi , teehihi. I needed that moment, spill the beans, rant…vent out, whichever you wanna call it.

I know that I brought this humiliation to myself, but like what I told the girls I have no regrets because I knew then it was exactly what I needed , and it’s quite obvious that for a moment there I was happier.

I was trying to mend a broken heart at the time when Mr.Weasley started bugging me confessing his interest on me. I told him about it and he said to me in reply that I’ll be able to move on immediately if I have someone else.

So ok, so I have spent the last 2 weeks with him and turned out to be just fine.

But then like what I said on my previous entry, my actions are limited and that’s not me. I’m a very touchy person, I like to embrace the people that’s dear to me, hold their hands/arm, beso and all that stuff. And I can’t do that to him. Because his reputation is not that good and a lot of people actually told me to stay away from him. Several people told me a lot of stories about him and he was man enough to be honest and actually admitted those stuffs.

But the trouble in me being “blindly optimistic” just thought of giving him a chance to prove that he’s not really as bad ass as what the other people thought of him…there is something good about him and he was able to prove that to me.

He knows how to sweep me off my feet and without telling him he was able to figure out my weaknesses when it comes to guys.  So I was just going with the flow,enjoying our moment(s) together…but I never said I love him,I  do like him as a person…I guess I was falling for him…

I grew up without really having a man in my life , since my father wasn’t around. So whenever I get special attention from a guy I tend to grab it and hold on to it for as long as I can.

But I have spent about 3 years holding on to my love for Pong unfortunately it didn’t end that way I wanted it to be. This “involvement” with him is pretty much the same as Mr.Weasley, one of the differences is I get to spend a lot of time with the 2nd one — but I don’t think I can do it again , I don’t think I’m willing to do same thing and be hurt again for the same effin reason.

I have confessed almost everything in that room with the people he knew well and I was expecting he’ll do the same thing, but he never did and now it seems like I’m the one begging for his attention.

That moment (in Las Vegas) I’ve heard enough…rather, I didn’t hear enough to really make me wanna stay in this kind of relationship.

I need someone who will stood up for his feelings (for me) no matter how complicated the situation is, even if half of the million people in this world disagree on it he would still be brave enough to admit his feelings, because I’ve done that a few times and still willing to do it,I just hope that next time, it’ll be for Mr.Right.

I tried to talk to him about it but with his state of mind last Friday I just thought that he wouldn’t understand.

On the brighter side of things: I have other options and he saw who’s my other option is.

My question(s) now is/are, how do I end this? Do I still need to give him a chance to explain? (’cause I never gave Mike L. (my ex) to explain WTH is going on before actually splitting up with him) . Is this just a little misunderstanding/miscommunication? Do I have to tell him everything that made me upset or do I just have to tell him it’s over?

WTH I’m not even sure if I really want to end this now, I just thought that this is better than nothing, it’s better that I have him instead of having no one to take care of me…

This is so pathetic… no matter how you look at it, its wrong!