Hello September

I know it’s the 6th already but it’s not that late to welcome September, oh please be good to me. It’s amazing how time seems to fly,last week I was so worried about the deadline but jeeez it is September for Pete’s sake I’m still not over the issue.

I’m still on vacation mode though, on leave until Wednesday night. And I’ve been thinking so much lately ( or maybe not ) that I feel like I have never been this so unproductive in my life – I cleaned my room, I plan to do the laundry by tomorrow, I wash the dishes, spend time with my Mum watching DVDs or the late night shows but no sense of fulfillment. I don’t know what to do with my life and I’m turning 26 in 3 months and I still haven’t figured out what I want, well I know some of the things I want but those are temporary stuffs.

Oh well, enough of the meaningless drama in my life.Why not blog about the movies I’ve seen so far for the last 3 days, my sister and her partner got a huge collection of DVDs.

Last Saturday I saw Snakes On Plane starring Samuel L. Jackson, pretty scary, I don’t like snakes. I had a chance to touch a snake when we went to Manila Zoo few years ago, ohmeegosh it’s soooooooo effin big and cold. My grandma had it on her shoulders, oh boy, she was scared but laughing at the same time.  But the movie is great, I like it…cute guy surfing, ha ha.Oh,he’s surfing without snakes brother, ok? I always like surfing, it looks easy but I know its difficult especially for people like me, born in the city soooooo far away from the ocean.

Right after that movie I watched Gulliver’s Travel, as expected Jack Black is funny, though I’m not really a huge fan of the guy , don’t like him the way I like Adam Sandler but he’s good in being funny. The story of the Bermuda Triangle has always left me so curious, I’ve seen some documentary shows about it from Discovery or maybe Nat Geo, it’s just weird that a place like that exist, and what if there’s a real Island of Lilliput? But I wont dare to go there just to prove it.No way!

The 3rd movie and I watched this last Sunday is Chain Letter, starring Nikki Reed.Oh jeez this is so gross. If you’ve seen the Saw Series and Final Destination Series this is just like those movies.Gruesome.It’s a movie about anti-technology, the killer(s) are anti-tech but it’s weird because they use technology to find their victims.They will send a chain letter and if you wont pass it on and just delete it they will come and kill you using chains. Yikes! I think the movie was created because people are so hooked on using mobile phones, internet, video games and the likes.

Yesterday we watched Unknown starring Liam Neeson. Good movie, different twist on the story but I think I’ve seen something like that, or maybe it looks like it because it’s about “memory loss” or something, if it does make any sense.

My sister likes to watch Ghost Whisperer , Jennifer Love Hewitt’s TV show. I think I kinda like it too, at first I thought it was something really really scary that wont make me go to sleep at night but it is a good show, she helps the ghosts to do what they need to do , you know what they say that they have unfinished businesses. Jen helps them in doing that so they can see the light. It’s a nice show.

Aside from DVD marathon everyday , I also love watching shows on ETC. I think I mentioned this before that I like watching Glee now, One Tree Hill, Pretty Little Liars, The Glee Project and I hope I get to watch Gossip Girl too, I miss watching Chuck and Blair.

I’m also reading an Oracle Book right now and I have asked my sister to download some of Anne Rice’s works for me, she’s been talking about Percy Jackson for about a month now and doesn’t interest me at all. I don’t know why.

Later today I guess I’ll watch Just go with it and/or Blue Valentine.

Tomorrow might download a few pictures.

Just a thought, from http://uncomfortablesoul.tumblr.com/

I was checking her blog ( and I’d say it’s pretty amazing, because I can relate to most of her entries) read this and it is so true! Been single since 2008, I dated a few guys but that’s just it. I may seem a little troubled lately but nothing serious I guess.
I admit that I miss that feeling. The feeling of having someone special in your life and you’re also special to them. The nights just seems so cold no matter how warm the weather is.

Why don’t you just get over here and make me happy just like what you told me the lats time we talked? You know who you are. It’s just weird that after how many months of no communication you’ll just send me a message and here I am again, missing you like crazy – please if you really don’t want to be with me then just _____,it hurts knowing that you like me and you know that the feeling is mutual and yet we’re like this…and I have to hurt someone else just so that I wont think of you.

I have been waiting for you…all these time.

September…have to start my wishlist for Christmas (LOL), list of gifts for mygodchildren ( if I wont be too lazy to give it to them ) , yeah I guess prepare as early as today for Christmas.

Please be good to me September.

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Reality Bites

and it hurts pretty bad. But sometimes we get hurt for a good reason, right?

Bittersweet Joyce is back online, I know I’ve been out for a while…got a lot of “contemplating moments” and I feel like my brain cells are shrinking – of course I’m exaggerating! Or maybe I have a broken logic bone too…

The last few weeks I should say was somewhat dramatic, proof of that is my previous entry, I admit that my emotions got so mixed up and for a moment there I feel like I’m really lost. It was a pretty good turning point in my life, I know this doesn’t happen all the time but I’m thankful that it did.

Here’s a list of the bittersweet truths I realized so far…

1. It’s always better to keep my mouth shut if I haven’t figured out the right things to say – but this is not applicable all the time, there’s always a “right timing” for everything.

2. If I have a problem with someone and I don’t feel like talking to that person to resolve the issue, it’s always a good idea to talk to someone who knows me too well and the other person – the 3rd party can look in to both sides of the story and can make me realize if I’m wrong or right.

3. I can’t trust anyone I consider as a friend – I have no idea how long have I had this attitude that I categorize my friends according to their personality (sounds weird). Like 1 friend is for laughing moments, 1 friend for gossip moments, 1 friend for movie / music stuff, 1 friend for kikay stuff, 1 friend for keeping my secrets, 1 friend that could teach me anything I need to know about life, 1 friend as my eating buddy and the likes. All of these category can be applied to 1 person, but not to all of my friends. Its better to have only a few people who can be all of these type of friend in just 1 person – you get what I mean right?

4. I may be out of focus sometimes, so I need to constantly remind myself of the things that I need to do and how to do it.

5. I can be so impulsive – grrrr!

6. My happiness, my success does not and should not depend on anyone – during those moments that I feel like I’m lost, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t care about the things that I’m doing. I didn’t know how to motivate myself. I didn’t know how to  pull myself up , it felt like I’m  6 ft. underground and the hands that used to hold me is nowhere to be found – yeah I know it sounds dramatic but that’s the bittersweet truth. Until 1 day I realized that I have to pull myself together if I want to succeed, I found happiness from the strangest places on earth and the negative comments should not affect me at all.

I know what I want, I know what I need…somehow I know how to get them, I ask for help whenever it’s necessary, I ask for opinions to help me make a decision but I don’t think I will ever need someone to decide for me.Unless you’re God.

some tumblr stuff that inspired me 🙂

→ this is true!

→ this is a nice list!

→ Amen!

I’m glad that my Mum  is always here to support me.I couldn’t thank God enough for giving me such an amazing Mum.

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Ryan Gosling and then some…

Let me start with the “and then some” (I like that statement) because I want to end this entry with something really great like Ryan Gosling!

It was a lazy weekend for me, time of the month again and I must admit that my patience is so little, I got pissed so easily, emotional and all that jazz. Blame it on the hormonal imbalance , but I wont feel this way if there isn’t anyone who made me feel so bad. I am a happy camper and I prefer to look at the good side of almost everything or everyone – meaning if the rest of the world is telling me to stop , I will still take the risk of pursuing what I want to do – in short I am a stubborn happy camper.

I know that if my conscience is clear and not doing something nasty I wouldn’t have to explain anything to anyone. But if someone made you feel like they look at you like an effin whore, wouldn’t you say something? Especially if that someone used to be that “someone special” in your life.

Some things are better left unsaid. If you just wanna laugh at my flaws go ahead, but you don’t have to text me and tell me all these sh*ts , you are no better than me or him. I can do whatever the heck I want because I am effin single, has been for a while!

Let’s just say that I am enjoying the feeling of being taking cared of by someone, I know I was a bit troublesome few weeks ago but I have learned my lessons , in a hard way but that’s fine.

I am not going to settle for something like this, I am taking everything so lightly and just enjoying the moment, after all they’re just another cow.

What do I mean by another cow? Check this Copulatory Imperative.

Notes To Self : Forget him and do something for yourself, the name got an effin jinx, they’re meant to break your heart and the last one did it twice, that’s enough!

Now on the brighter side of things, like Ryan Gosling!

I saw the trailer of Crazy Stupid Love and I really want to see it because of Gosling, ha ha. I think it’s a good laugh movie with a little drama and “kilig” factor  – thank God for Gosling!

The following photos are from weheartit.com – I totally ♥ this site!

: I swear I laughed so hard at this scene!

: Look at Gosling, he is so cute and Steve Carell as usual is funny.

: Yeah, he’s like photoshopped! been watching the trailer in youtube for a million times now just to see him over and over again, shirtless!

:Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if it was me instead of Emma Stone? I soooo envy her!

: I know my eyes are so bad, that’s why I have glasses & contact lens, but I really think that Ryan Gosling resembles Tom Felton (best known as Draco Malfoy) – you think so?

I think the 2 types of man (for me) can relate to this movie, 1st guy is Carell’s character – which I would describe as simple, loyal/faithful husband, a bit boring.

The 2nd type of man is Gosling’s character : easy going, have a great sense of humor and just being a cow, until he finds the perfect cow for him.

ok, here’s the video – as usual many thanks to youtube!

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Last Week: Training is over

One week of process training is finally over, went pretty good so far at least for me , like what I told my friends I wont ask questions unless I’m really working on it…so as soon as Rica is teaching me about some technical stuff I got myself confused and asked a few questions about it. There’s not much of a difference between the 2 processes but I think its  a little bit complicated, but I still have 2 weeks to really absorb everything that I learned from the process training and…there’s soooo much more to come.

On our last day though I was a bit upset, well been upset since Thursday but I decided not to dwell too much on it because it’s just a petty thing to discuss and I might have misunderstood the other person’s tactics or whatever.

A lot of things that happened last Friday got me upset , no I was mad. It’s a good thing I know how to control my emotions and decided not to really talk about it until I’m a little calm. Another good thing is that I’m with my friends that time since we agreed to visit Lola Mommy. We were laughing all the time making fun of the people who’s not there.Oh boy, that was fun, made me miss them more!

And at least I had the chance to spend time with my new breed of “shock absorbers“, Zandy and Mimi , teehihi. I needed that moment, spill the beans, rant…vent out, whichever you wanna call it.

I know that I brought this humiliation to myself, but like what I told the girls I have no regrets because I knew then it was exactly what I needed , and it’s quite obvious that for a moment there I was happier.

I was trying to mend a broken heart at the time when Mr.Weasley started bugging me confessing his interest on me. I told him about it and he said to me in reply that I’ll be able to move on immediately if I have someone else.

So ok, so I have spent the last 2 weeks with him and turned out to be just fine.

But then like what I said on my previous entry, my actions are limited and that’s not me. I’m a very touchy person, I like to embrace the people that’s dear to me, hold their hands/arm, beso and all that stuff. And I can’t do that to him. Because his reputation is not that good and a lot of people actually told me to stay away from him. Several people told me a lot of stories about him and he was man enough to be honest and actually admitted those stuffs.

But the trouble in me being “blindly optimistic” just thought of giving him a chance to prove that he’s not really as bad ass as what the other people thought of him…there is something good about him and he was able to prove that to me.

He knows how to sweep me off my feet and without telling him he was able to figure out my weaknesses when it comes to guys.  So I was just going with the flow,enjoying our moment(s) together…but I never said I love him,I  do like him as a person…I guess I was falling for him…

I grew up without really having a man in my life , since my father wasn’t around. So whenever I get special attention from a guy I tend to grab it and hold on to it for as long as I can.

But I have spent about 3 years holding on to my love for Pong unfortunately it didn’t end that way I wanted it to be. This “involvement” with him is pretty much the same as Mr.Weasley, one of the differences is I get to spend a lot of time with the 2nd one — but I don’t think I can do it again , I don’t think I’m willing to do same thing and be hurt again for the same effin reason.

I have confessed almost everything in that room with the people he knew well and I was expecting he’ll do the same thing, but he never did and now it seems like I’m the one begging for his attention.

That moment (in Las Vegas) I’ve heard enough…rather, I didn’t hear enough to really make me wanna stay in this kind of relationship.

I need someone who will stood up for his feelings (for me) no matter how complicated the situation is, even if half of the million people in this world disagree on it he would still be brave enough to admit his feelings, because I’ve done that a few times and still willing to do it,I just hope that next time, it’ll be for Mr.Right.

I tried to talk to him about it but with his state of mind last Friday I just thought that he wouldn’t understand.

On the brighter side of things: I have other options and he saw who’s my other option is.

My question(s) now is/are, how do I end this? Do I still need to give him a chance to explain? (’cause I never gave Mike L. (my ex) to explain WTH is going on before actually splitting up with him) . Is this just a little misunderstanding/miscommunication? Do I have to tell him everything that made me upset or do I just have to tell him it’s over?

WTH I’m not even sure if I really want to end this now, I just thought that this is better than nothing, it’s better that I have him instead of having no one to take care of me…

This is so pathetic… no matter how you look at it, its wrong!

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RANT:Trashtalks & Copulatory Imperative

    “leave the trash talking and rumor spreading to Gossip Girl”

That quote is from Etiquette of A Lady and I just thought of that because some guys tend to be more of a gossiper than girls.  I cannot believe it, I mean why did Paul have to trash talk Peter when Paul knows that I like (d) Peter ?

When I like someone I tend to be blindly optimistic and I don’t dwell in their past no matter how nasty it may seem. I don’t need to know every detail of their “worst part of their life” especially if its a thing in the past. Whatever happens in the past stays there.

And if it came to a point where I suddenly feel like I don’t like the person as it used to be I don’t look for reasons to hate him. He may have hurt me in some ways ( and he doesn’t even know about it so obviously he doesn’t care ) but I don’t take that as an excuse to get back at him and hurt him too – that is so pathetic and immature!

You cannot use someone’s flaws to make yourself look better , trust me that even makes you the worst person in the universe.

So Paul stop trashtalking about how bad Peter is, you don’t know him too well and I know you wouldn’t want to know him better, but the thing is he didn’t do anything wrong to you, he may have done it to someone else but I don’t understand why it affected you so much and now you despise him.

Does it make you feel better ?  Do you think it makes you a better person spreading rumors about him? – ehem you might wanna go to the loo first 😀

Copulatory Imperative 

The reason why I searched for this word is because I thought of the movie “Someone Like You” starring Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman, my favorite part was when Hugh is trying to comfort Ashley and he told her that “Ray is not the last man you are ever going to love…” and that’s when Ashley started crying more…that is if I remember it right.

Whenever I have a broken heart I tell myself that line “He is not going to be the last man I’m going to love…” sometimes it works!

So I googled the lines from that movie and read that term Copulatory Imperative – which at first sounds like a spell from Hogwarts to me, but I thought of searching for the meaning of it and according to UrbanDictionary.com it is  a term used to describe males of all species. This is the explanation as to why every man is a womanizer. It clarifies why men are constantly on the move, cannot entirely commit and are consistently unfaithful. In the movie, Someone Like You, Ashley Judd’s character explains that men are habitually on the quest for “the new cow” so they can fulfill their “copulatory imperative.” They need to spread their seeds eternally.

Thus, men are innately barbaric and rest assured they will never be fully domesticated.

But I know some guys are not like that…some of them are like Michael Hosea ( from the book Redeeming Love ) or probably close to being one.

And upon reading this it made me realize why Mr.Weasley is so interested in having a bittersweethappiness …

Why shinetz left for the 2nd time…

Why you-know-who seems to be not content with his life and exploring for more options…

Why he-who-must-not-be-named is always looking for other cow I mean girls 😀

But this doesn’t mean that I’m a manhater – oh my definitely not! I love being around with boys but not flirting , just hanging around, having a good laugh…chill!

Got a few best buds around me, Kuya M. , Lava and the boys from my current team…

Oh well, got some answers for my questions already…

OT:

I remember I saw Ed Westwick’s poster in Penshoppe! YAY! OMG!

: he is sooooooooo cute – xoxo

-yeah i am bittersweet –

Saturday, April 23

Pardon me, but I can’t think of a better title for my entry today. Psssh, I’ve been awake for almost 24 hours now, so my brain is kinda half-dead.

Well, we had our 1st Team Building @ Army Navy, too bad we’re not complete. Ching & Mommy Liz we’re not there.  But it was fun, as usual laughtrip to the max and I like their quote, its like “come in hungry, go home happy” – indeed we all went home HAPPY!

I had their (uhm) fearless fried chicken – the food reminded me of Taylor Swift idk why, I like the chicken ( as usual I gave away the chicken skin, I don’t like it ) it taste good , but I think Jollibee’s chickenjoy is better 🙂 I feel bad that I wasn’t able to take a picture of my food, Rica brought her prof cam pa naman.

Speaking of her prof cam I played with it, I love taking pictures and I kinda like experimenting on how to take photos, trying different angles…but of course my shots are not that good.

I’ll get my own prof cam soon!

And aside from saving (if I can) for a prof cam I will also save for Incubus concert here in Manila on July 28 – yehey!

After having lunch in Army Navy, me, Rica, Zandy, Boss E w/ Ethan and yaya went to ATC to eat ice cream. And of course I had cookies & cream in FIC, my favorite!

work: I am pretty much amazed with the improvements and I have my fingers crossed all the time aside from “mind-setting” everyday. I hope this will continue, as long as I’m working there. haha! I’m just glad that I’m working with people who are really really helpful.

I’ve been pretty optimistic the entire week and I feel great with the positive results that I’m getting. The Law of Attraction. I am a firm believer of that. I have doubts but when I noticed myself doing positive actions resulting to positive outcomes I started believing in myself. I can do this because I deserve to get what I want!

But I have some negative emotions too. The only aspect in my life wherein I get so negaaaaaa, so no wonder I haven’t got any positive results on this. And because of this I have the biggest question now. What makes her so much better than me?

I used to have a HUGE crush on this guy, whenever I see him from afar even when he’s not smiling at me I get so kilig! And when a friend introduced me to him, sobra, feeling ko talaga tumigil yung mundo, leche! parang highschool lang ang dating.

Tapos pag makakasalubong ko pa – err naku! ang sarap himatayin.

But I got turned off – BIG TIME!

Just like Alanis M. song “ironic” – its meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his freaking wife! – ay syota lang pala!

Haha. here comes bitterness again. But not really, I guess I wasn’t just expecting that a guy like him would actually fall for someone like her. He is such a cutee! He looks smart, I heard he’s rich too, he got a freaking amazing singing voice and damn he is just a guy —- that I can really fall in love with.

But when I heard about his girl and her effin life and everything else about her – eto lang talaga nasabi ko “sayang ka boy!”

I just wish it was someone better, I’m not saying na ako nalang, but at least someone who’s not as complicated as her.  Someone who’s not married, doesn’t have a kid, doesn’t have an ex-bf who is such a freak and at least a better body that can compliment his.

you get what I mean ?

and this is just me ranting and letting go of the negative vibes. I know ice cream and chocolates or anything sweet makes me happy but sometimes its better to just vent out.

At least my “real friends” are telling me that I am sooooooo much better than her.  He may not know it at siya lang yun at least mas madami ang nagsasabi na “MAS MAGANDA AKO DUN” – ok na yun sa’ken. ahaha!

It only means that he is not Mr.Right – ang baba pala ng standards niya. I remember this line sa “Green Rose” yung show nila Jericho Rosales & Anne Curtis.  I think it was Alessandra de Rossi who said this line “sakit yata ng matatalinong tao ang pagiging tanga sa pag-ibig” – mhm, right on the spot!

ok,enough of the nega emotions!

I’m waiting for Mr.Ambidextrous.

Last Monday morning had some effin photoshoot under the sun.  Here are some of the photos.

that’s me of course! Feel na feel ang pagiging model “kuno”

|my black top is from Genevieve Gozum | skirt is from my Mum ( she made it for me ) | bought my wedges @ StepRite | necklace from a boutique in Pop Culture (Alabang Town Center)

Location : rooftop namin.

Photographer : my sister Lalayne, using her celfone’s (samsung) camera.

pictures were edited using befunky.com and Photoscape.

| rays of the sun

those are for real, hindi camera effect yung rays ng sun.

:going up.

|busangot.

more pictures to come!